We had a problem in our Classic I league a few years ago where refs were threatening to not work and clubs couldn’t get parents to volunteer as field marshalls, it was so bad. They instituted a “Silent Saturday” which seemed to work — at least the most offensive parents placed themselves far away from the sidelines, like in the trees, up on hills or in their cars (maybe with binoculars).

What’s an embarrassed Team Mom* to do?

Serve them Tootsie Pops!

A savvy Team Mom brought along a supply of Tootsie pops, which she gently and wordlessly handed to any parents who started to get verbal. It worked and the pops became a staple at our games from then on.

$$$ Fundraising idea $$$ stock your concession stand with Tootsie Pops, and make sure all team managers are aware of the availability. Delight the siblings who are dragged to the games and provide a handy “disciplinary tool” for unruly adults!

* or frustrated Ref Assignor, or volunteer Field Marshall

I don’t have a solution for muddy white shorts. I’d say fire the uniform parent, but that creates new problems.

A few weeks ago Holmes came back from a college camp (yes, we acquiesced and sent him to a few) with clothes that were stinky after a full wash. Before drying them, I ran them through the washer again with some soap and a cup of white vinegar. Miraculous! The smell was gone, so now we have a permanent bottle of white vinegar in the laundry room.

Boring but true.

Wow.  Resisting the urge to point out a possible cause-and-effect, I dug this classic from my files. From Bruce Brownlee,  USSF “C” License, Tophat Soccer Club, Atlanta, it circulated throughout the soccer world ten years ago, but remains valid today.

A lot of soccer parents with good intentions give a 30 minute lecture, covering all the player’s supposed deficiencies and giving playing advice, in the car on the way to each match. The kids arrive far off their optimal mental state, and dreading the critique they are likely to hear, whether they want it or not, on the way home.

Kids who are massaged in this way tend not to play badly, they just tend to not play, possibly to avoid making mistakes.

The easiest way to detect this problem is just to ask the player if it is a problem. Kids are more than willing to share this grief. The easiest way to correct this problem is to speak to the parents, as a group, about your expectations, and to cover this as a routine problem. Many of the parents will recognize themselves if you can present this problem with humor and illustrate the importance of the kids having fun and arriving in a good state of mind.

For best results, parents should memorize and use the following.

Before the Match:
I love you
Good luck
Have fun

After the Match:
I love you
It was great to see you play
What would you like to eat?